A Texan came to New York for the first time and decided to sample that dish he had heard so much about…lox and bagels.
From the very first bite he loved it—so much, in fact, that he returned to the restaurant every day for two weeks and gorged this delicacy.
On his last day in town, he called the proprietor to his table. “I want to thank y’all to know how much I enjoyed that wonderful dish,” he said. “but before I return to my oil wells in Texas, I want to ask you a question.”
“Sure, go ahead and ask.”
“Tell me, which is the bagel and which is the lox?”
Harry returned home in a high fury. “That waiter at Epstein’s Deli is the freshest guy I ever met in my life,” he stormed.
“Why? What happened?” asked his wife.
“I told him I couldn’t eat my salad unless I had some Russian dressing, so he brought me a picture of Putin putting on his pants!”
Description and Purpose
The Jewish Community Relations Council exists to build bridges of understanding and communication within our Jewish community and beyond to the general community.
We are a group of Jewish parents, educators and leaders in the community with the goals of promoting greater cooperation and collaboration within our community around issues of religious inclusion, anti-Semitism, and combating all forms of racial and ethnic hatred and prejudice.
For more information about the JCRC, how we can help you, or to work with our committee, please contact committee chairperson Rochelle Reich, Director of Community Life & Jewish Learning, Asheville JCC at firstname.lastname@example.org/253-0701×111.
Joey Bishop (raise your hand if you remember Joey) told a story about Frank Sinatra, who was dining out one night when a young high school lad came to his table.
“Mr. Sinatra,” said the teen-age boy, “my name is Bernie Rosenberg. Would you please do me a favor?”
“What kind of favor?” Sinatra asked.
“Well, I’m here with my girl, and I want to make a good impression on her. I certainly would appreciate it if you would drop by my table and say, “Hi Bernie!”
“OK, kid, I’ll try said the singer, smiling.
A little later, he dropped by the boy’s table, and said “Hi, Bernie!”
The boy looked up at him and snapped, “Don’t bother me now Frankie, can’t you see I’m busy?”
A Jewish man lies on his deathbed surrounded by his children. “Ah” he says, I can smell your mother’s brisket – how I would love to taste it one last time before I die.” So, one of his sons hurries down to the kitchen, but he returns empty handed. “Sorry papa. She says, “it’s for after the funeral.”
A boy comes home from school and tells his mother he got a part in the school play.
”That’s wonderful!” says he mother. “Which part?”
“The part of a Jewish husband,” says the boy, proudly.
Frowning, the mother says, “Go back. Tell them you want a speaking role!”
A Frenchman, a German, and a Jew walk into a bar.
“I’m tired and I’m thirsty” says the Frenchman. “I must have wine.”
“I’m tired and I’m thirsty,” says the German. “I must have beer.”
“I’m tired and I’m thirsty,” says the Jew. “I must have diabetes.”
The atheist maintained that if one lived an ethical, upright life,
he had no need for God. The rabbi asserted these qualities
were fine, but without spiritual values, the real beauty of life
could not be comprehended.
“I don’t see where the recognition of beauty has anything to do
with believing in God” protested the atheist.
“Let me illustrate,” explained the holy man. “A believer, when he
arises on a lovely spring day, goes to the window, breathes deeply
and says, ‘good morning God.’ But, when the atheist arises and
goes to the window, he says, ‘My God, what a morning!'”