One to smile. One to chuckle.
A Jewish denizen of New York’s lower East Side visited his country cousin, a dairy farmer in Connecticut. The cousin proudly showed his relative the new barn.
“Say, what kind of cow do you call that?” exclaimed the city chap. “I never saw one like it before.”
“That’s a cross between a Guernsey and a Holstein. It’s called a Goldstein.”
The city cousin grinned. “Next you’ll tell me it doesn’t give milk, only sour cream”.
“Not at all,” answered the witty famer. “Instead of saying ‘moo,”, this Goldstein says ‘nu-u-u?”
TV star Danny Thomas, a Lebanese, who told Jewish joke better than most Jews, claimed he bought a parrot from an Israeli Seaman.
Every morning swore Danny, the parrot would shout, “Polly wants a matzah!”
And from www.humormatters.com
Ode to Thanksgiving
To our national birds
The American Eagle
The Thanksgiving Turkey
May one give us peace in all our states
And the other a piece for all our plates
…and from Humor Corner
“May you share love and laughs at your Thanksgiving table.”
A man is rescued from a desert island after 20 years. The news media, amazed at this feat of survival, ask him to show them his home.
“How did you survive? How did you keep sane?” they ask him, as he shows them around the small island.
“I had my faith. My faith as a Jew kept me strong. Come.”
He leads them to a small glen where stands an opulent temple, made entirely from palm fronds, coconut shells, and woven grass. The news cameras take pictures of everything – even a Torah made from banana leaves and written in octopus ink.
“This took me five years to complete.”
“Amazing! And what did you do for the next 15 years?”
“Come with me.”
He leads them around to the far side of the island. There, in a shady grove, is an even more beautiful temple.
“This one took me 12 years to complete.”
The reporter asked “But sir, why did you build two temples?”
“This is the temple I attend. That other place? Hah! I wouldn’t set foot in that other temple if you paid me!”
Which one do you belong to?
A dentist was examining a new patient. “Oh, my” he said. “This is the biggest cavity I’ve ever seen. The biggest cavity I’ve ever seen.”
“Was that really necessary?” asked the patient.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m frightened enough as it is. Why did you repeat yourself about the size of the cavity?”
“I didn’t,” said the dentist. “That was the echo.”
Sometimes in life, one must just say it twice.
A resident arrived to these shores was trying to orient himself to his new land.
“Tell me something” he asked a friend. “How far is it from New York to Philadelphia?”
About 100 miles,” answered the friend.
And from Philadelphia to New York?”
Why, it is the same distance, naturally.”
What’s so natural, retorted the newcomer. Backwards and forwards is not necessarily the same distance.
For example, from Purim to Passover is one month. But from Passover to Purim, isn’t it 11 months?”
Professor Higgins: “Good morning sir. How are you?”
Professor Einstein: “Relative to what?”
…and everything is, isn’t it?