From Life’s Little Jewish Instruction Book – Leonard Sorcher



  • The optometrist sees the donuts. The pessimist sees the hole.
  • If you can’t say something nice, say it in Yiddish.

  • It’s not who you know. It’s who you know had a nose job.
  • If it tastes good, it’s probably not Kosher.

  • Who else could’ve invented the 50 – minute hour?
  • WASPs never leave and never say good-bye. Jews say good – bye and never leave.

  • Twenty percent off is a bargain. 50% off a Mitzvah.
  • Israel is the land of milk and honey. Florida the land of milk of magnesia.

  • Pork is forbidden. A pig in a blanket makes a nice hors d’oeuvre.
  • The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.

  • Where there is smoke. There may be smoked salmon.
  • Never take a front row seat at a bris.

  • Never leave a restaurant empty-handed.
  • Spring ahead. Fall back. Winter in Miami Beach.

  • According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish can be eaten only in a Chinese restaurant.
  • No meal is complete without leftovers.

  • What business is a yenta in? Yours.
  • Laugh now. One day you’ll be driving a big car and eating dinner at four in the afternoon.
  • Schmeer today, gone tomorrow.