Welcome to the Humor Corner (HC). Check back to catch your Jewish chuckle, giggle, snicker, hoot, snort, cackle, chortle, guffaw, hysterics jitter, or double up of the day.
Of course, HC comes with the usual disclaimers. CBHT is not responsible for any after effects …except for helping you feel better, lighter of head and tummy, and throughout the day flashbacks of what you read and chortled over.
As with most ethnicities, jokes have often mocked Jewish accents, sometimes gently, other times, not so much. One of the kinder examples is:
One early winter morning Rabbi Bloom was walking beside the canal when he saw a dog in the water, trying hard to stay afloat. It looked so sad and exhausted that Rabbi Bloom jumped in, and after a struggle, managed to bring it out alive.
A passer-by who saw this remarked, "that was very brave of you! You must love animals. Are you a vet?"
Rabbi Bloom replied, "And vhat did you expect? Of course I'm a-vet! I'm a-freezing cold as vell!"
At least grin...even if ever so slightly.Read_more_...
A Texan came to New York for the first time and decided to sample that dish he had heard so much about…lox and bagels.
From the very first bite he loved it---so much, in fact, that he returned to the restaurant every day for two weeks and gorged this delicacy.
On his last day in town, he called the proprietor to his table. “I want to thank y’all to know how much I enjoyed that wonderful dish,” he said. “but before I return to my oil wells in Texas, I want to ask you a question.”
"Sure, go ahead and ask.”
“Tell me, which is the bagel and which is the lox?”
Harry returned home in a high fury. “That waiter at Epstein’s Deli is the freshest guy I ever met in my life,” he stormed.
"Why? What happened?" asked his wife.
"I told him I couldn’t eat my salad unless I had some Russian dressing, so he brought me a picture of Putin putting on his pants!”
Joey Bishop (raise your hand if you remember Joey) told a story about Frank Sinatra, who was dining out one night when a young high school lad came to his table.
“Mr. Sinatra,” said the teen-age boy, “my name is Bernie Rosenberg. Would you please do me a favor?”
“What kind of favor?” Sinatra asked.
“Well, I’m here with my girl, and I want to make a good impression on her. I certainly would appreciate it if you would drop by my table and say, “Hi Bernie!”
“OK, kid, I’ll try said the singer, smiling.
A little later, he dropped by the boy’s table, and said “Hi, Bernie!”
The boy looked up at him and snapped, “Don’t bother me now Frankie, can’t you see I’m busy?”Read_more_...
A Jewish man lies on his deathbed surrounded by his children. “Ah” he says, I can smell your mother’s brisket – how I would love to taste it one last time before I die.” So, one of his sons hurries down to the kitchen, but he returns empty handed. “Sorry papa. She says, “it's for after the funeral.”
A boy comes home from school and tells his mother he got a part in the school play.
”That’s wonderful!” says he mother. “Which part?”
“The part of a Jewish husband,” says the boy, proudly.
Frowning, the mother says, “Go back. Tell them you want a speaking role!”
A Frenchman, a German, and a Jew walk into a bar.
“I’m tired and I’m thirsty” says the Frenchman. “I must have wine.”
“I’m tired and I’m thirsty,” says the German. “I must have beer.”
"I’m tired and I’m thirsty,” says the Jew. "I must have diabetes.”
The atheist maintained that if one lived an ethical, upright life,
he had no need for God. The rabbi asserted these qualities
were fine, but without spiritual values, the real beauty of life
could not be comprehended.
"I don't see where the recognition of beauty has anything to do
with believing in God" protested the atheist.
"Let me illustrate," explained the holy man. "A believer, when he
arises on a lovely spring day, goes to the window, breathes deeply
and says, 'good morning God.' But, when the atheist arises and
goes to the window, he says, 'My God, what a morning!'"