Welcome to the Humor Corner (HC). Check back to catch your Jewish chuckle, giggle, snicker, hoot, snort, cackle, chortle, guffaw, hysterics jitter, or double up of the day.
Of course, HC comes with the usual disclaimers. CBHT is not responsible for any after effects …except for helping you feel better, lighter of head and tummy, and throughout the day flashbacks of what you read and chortled over.
- The optometrist sees the donuts. The pessimist sees the hole.
- If you can't say something nice, say it in Yiddish.
- It's not who you know. It's who you know had a nose job.
- If it tastes good, it's probably not Kosher.
- Who else could've invented the 50 - minute hour?
- WASPs never leave and never say good-bye. Jews say good - bye and never leave.
- Twenty percent off is a bargain. 50% off a Mitzvah.
- Israel is the land of milk and honey. Florida the land of milk of magnesia.
- Pork is forbidden. A pig in a blanket makes a nice hors d'oeuvre.
- The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.
- Where there is smoke. There may be smoked salmon.
- Never take a front row seat at a bris.
- Never leave a restaurant empty-handed.
- Spring ahead. Fall back. Winter in Miami Beach.
- According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish can be eaten only in a Chinese restaurant.
- No meal is complete without leftovers.
- What business is a yenta in? Yours.
- Laugh now. One day you'll be driving a big car and eating dinner at four in the afternoon.
- Schmeer today, gone tomorrow.
A resident arrived to these shores was trying to orient himself to his new land.
"Tell me something" he asked a friend. "How far is it from New York to Philadelphia?"
About 100 miles," answered the friend.
And from Philadelphia to New York?"
Why, it is the same distance, naturally."
What's so natural, retorted the newcomer. Backwards and forwards is not necessarily the same distance.
For example, from Purim to Passover is one month. But from Passover to Purim, isn't it 11 months?"
Professor Higgins: "Good morning sir. How are you?"
Professor Einstein: "Relative to what?"
...and everything is, isn't it?Read_more_...
Real or fake news? It's up to you.
Harry returned home furious. "The waiter at Epstein's Deli
is the freshest guy I ever met in my life," he stormed.
"Why, what happened," asked his wife.
"I told him I couldn't eat my salad without some Russian dressing.
So, he brought me a picture of Putin putting on his pants."
An old Jewish beggar was out on the street in NY City with his tin cup.
"Please sir," he pleaded to a passerby, "could you spare seventy-three cents for a cup of coffee and some pie?"
The man asked, "Where do you get coffee and pie for seventy-three cents in New York? It costs at least $1.00?
The beggar replied, "So, who buys retail?"
Q: What's a Jewish dilemma? A: Half-priced porkRead_more_...
As with most ethnicities, jokes have often mocked Jewish accents, sometimes gently, other times, not so much. One of the kinder examples is:
One early winter morning Rabbi Bloom was walking beside the canal when he saw a dog in the water, trying hard to stay afloat. It looked so sad and exhausted that Rabbi Bloom jumped in, and after a struggle, managed to bring it out alive.
A passer-by who saw this remarked, "that was very brave of you! You must love animals. Are you a vet?"
Rabbi Bloom replied, "And vhat did you expect? Of course I'm a-vet! I'm a-freezing cold as vell!"
At least grin...even if ever so slightly.Read_more_...