Welcome to the Humor Corner (HC). Check back to catch your Jewish chuckle, giggle, snicker, hoot, snort, cackle, chortle, guffaw, hysterics jitter, or double up of the day.
Of course, HC comes with the usual disclaimers. CBHT is not responsible for any after effects …except for helping you feel better, lighter of head and tummy, and throughout the day flashbacks of what you read and chortled over.
- The optometrist sees the donuts. The pessimist sees the hole.
- If you can't say something nice, say it in Yiddish.
- It's not who you know. It's who you know had a nose job.
- If it tastes good, it's probably not Kosher.
- Who else could've invented the 50 - minute hour?
- WASPs never leave and never say good-bye. Jews say good - bye and never leave.
- Twenty percent off is a bargain. 50% off a Mitzvah.
- Israel is the land of milk and honey. Florida the land of milk of magnesia.
- Pork is forbidden. A pig in a blanket makes a nice hors d'oeuvre.
- The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.
- Where there is smoke. There may be smoked salmon.
- Never take a front row seat at a bris.
- Never leave a restaurant empty-handed.
- Spring ahead. Fall back. Winter in Miami Beach.
- According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish can be eaten only in a Chinese restaurant.
- No meal is complete without leftovers.
- What business is a yenta in? Yours.
- Laugh now. One day you'll be driving a big car and eating dinner at four in the afternoon.
- Schmeer today, gone tomorrow.
Julius: How many Commandments are there?
Julia: Ten, of course
Julius: What would happen if you,-er- well- you know- if you broke one of them?
Julia (encouraging): So, there'd be nine.
Poetry time for young lovers:
A romantic Jewish young Mr.
Had a girl and he often KR
But he asked her to wed,
and she solemnly said:
"I can never be more than your Sr."
Both from Encyclopedia of Jewish Humor
From Biblical Times to the Modern Age
Compiled and edited by Henry D. Spalding
One to smile. One to chuckle.
A Jewish denizen of New York’s lower East Side visited his country cousin, a dairy farmer in Connecticut. The cousin proudly showed his relative the new barn.
“Say, what kind of cow do you call that?” exclaimed the city chap. “I never saw one like it before.”
“That’s a cross between a Guernsey and a Holstein. It’s called a Goldstein.”
The city cousin grinned. “Next you’ll tell me it doesn’t give milk, only sour cream".
“Not at all,” answered the witty famer. “Instead of saying ‘moo,”, this Goldstein says ‘nu-u-u?”
TV star Danny Thomas, a Lebanese, who told Jewish joke better than most Jews, claimed he bought a parrot from an Israeli Seaman.
Every morning swore Danny, the parrot would shout, "Polly wants a matzah!”
And from www.humormatters.com
Ode to Thanksgiving
To our national birds
The American Eagle
The Thanksgiving Turkey
May one give us peace in all our states
And the other a piece for all our plates
…and from Humor Corner
“May you share love and laughs at your Thanksgiving table.”Read_more_...
A man is rescued from a desert island after 20 years. The news media, amazed at this feat of survival, ask him to show them his home.
"How did you survive? How did you keep sane?" they ask him, as he shows them around the small island.
"I had my faith. My faith as a Jew kept me strong. Come."
He leads them to a small glen where stands an opulent temple, made entirely from palm fronds, coconut shells, and woven grass. The news cameras take pictures of everything - even a Torah made from banana leaves and written in octopus ink.
"This took me five years to complete."
"Amazing! And what did you do for the next 15 years?"
"Come with me."
He leads them around to the far side of the island. There, in a shady grove, is an even more beautiful temple.
"This one took me 12 years to complete."
The reporter asked "But sir, why did you build two temples?"
"This is the temple I attend. That other place? Hah! I wouldn't set foot in that other temple if you paid me!"
Which one do you belong to?Read_more_...
A dentist was examining a new patient. "Oh, my" he said. "This is the biggest cavity I've ever seen. The biggest cavity I've ever seen."
"Was that really necessary?" asked the patient.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm frightened enough as it is. Why did you repeat yourself about the size of the cavity?"
"I didn't," said the dentist. "That was the echo."
Sometimes in life, one must just say it twice.Read_more_...