The Humor Corner

Welcome to the Humor Corner (HC). Check back to catch your Jewish chuckle, giggle, snicker, hoot, snort, cackle, chortle, guffaw, hysterics jitter, or double up of the day.

Of course, HC comes with the usual disclaimers. CBHT is not responsible for any after effects …except for helping you feel better, lighter of head and tummy, and throughout the day flashbacks of what you read and chortled over.

    Perspective Matters

    A resident arrived to these shores was trying to orient himself to his new land.
    "Tell me something" he asked a friend. "How far is it from New York to Philadelphia?"

    About 100 miles," answered the friend.

    And from Philadelphia to New York?"

    Why, it is the same distance, naturally."

    What's so natural, retorted the newcomer. Backwards and forwards is not necessarily the same distance.
    For example, from Purim to Passover is one month. But from Passover to Purim, isn't it 11 months?"

    Professor Higgins: "Good morning sir. How are you?"
    Professor Einstein: "Relative to what?"

    ...and everything is, isn't it?


    Humor for June

    Real or fake news? It's up to you.

    Harry returned home furious. "The waiter at Epstein's Deli
    is the freshest guy I ever met in my life," he stormed.

    "Why, what happened," asked his wife.

    "I told him I couldn't eat my salad without some Russian dressing.
    So, he brought me a picture of Putin putting on his pants."


    Two Quick Smiles

    An old Jewish beggar was out on the street in NY City with his tin cup.

    "Please sir," he pleaded to a passerby, "could you spare seventy-three cents for a cup of coffee and some pie?"

    The man asked, "Where do you get coffee and pie for seventy-three cents in New York? It costs at least $1.00?

    The beggar replied, "So, who buys retail?"


    Q: What's a Jewish dilemma? A: Half-priced pork


    Jewish Accents

    As with most ethnicities, jokes have often mocked Jewish accents, sometimes gently, other times, not so much. One of the kinder examples is:

    One early winter morning Rabbi Bloom was walking beside the canal when he saw a dog in the water, trying hard to stay afloat. It looked so sad and exhausted that Rabbi Bloom jumped in, and after a struggle, managed to bring it out alive.

    A passer-by who saw this remarked, "that was very brave of you! You must love animals. Are you a vet?"

    Rabbi Bloom replied, "And vhat did you expect? Of course I'm a-vet! I'm a-freezing cold as vell!"

    At least grin...even if ever so slightly.


    Jews and Food

    A Texan came to New York for the first time and decided to sample that dish he had heard so much about…lox and bagels.

    From the very first bite he loved it---so much, in fact, that he returned to the restaurant every day for two weeks and gorged this delicacy.

    On his last day in town, he called the proprietor to his table. “I want to thank y’all to know how much I enjoyed that wonderful dish,” he said. “but before I return to my oil wells in Texas, I want to ask you a question.”

    "Sure, go ahead and ask.”

    “Tell me, which is the bagel and which is the lox?”
    (True story)

    Harry returned home in a high fury. “That waiter at Epstein’s Deli is the freshest guy I ever met in my life,” he stormed.

    "Why? What happened?" asked his wife.

    "I told him I couldn’t eat my salad unless I had some Russian dressing, so he brought me a picture of Putin putting on his pants!”
    (Maybe true)


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