A Jewish man lies on his deathbed surrounded by his children. “Ah” he says, I can smell your mother’s brisket – how I would love to taste it one last time before I die.” So, one of his sons hurries down to the kitchen, but he returns empty handed. “Sorry papa. She says, “it’s for after the funeral.”
A boy comes home from school and tells his mother he got a part in the school play.
”That’s wonderful!” says he mother. “Which part?”
“The part of a Jewish husband,” says the boy, proudly.
Frowning, the mother says, “Go back. Tell them you want a speaking role!”
A Frenchman, a German, and a Jew walk into a bar.
“I’m tired and I’m thirsty” says the Frenchman. “I must have wine.”
“I’m tired and I’m thirsty,” says the German. “I must have beer.”
“I’m tired and I’m thirsty,” says the Jew. “I must have diabetes.”