About Jews

A Jewish man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his children. "Ah, he says, I can smell your mother's brisket - how I would love to taste it one last time before I die." So one of his sons hurries down to the kitchen and he returns empty handed "Sorry papa. She says it is for after the funeral."

Traditional roles of men and women in Jewish families

A boy comes home from school and tells his mother he got a part in the school play. That's wonderful" says his mother, "which part?" The part of a Jewish husband, says the boy proudly. Frowning, the mother says, "go back and tell them you want a speaking role!"

On parenting

Is one Nobel Prize so much to ask from a child after all I've done?

Regarding hypochondria

A Frenchman, a German and a Jew walk into a bar. "I', tired and thirsty," says the Frenchman. "I must have wine."

"I'm tired and thirsty," says the German. "I must have beer."

"I'm tired and thirsty," says the Jew. "I must have diabetes."

On kvetching.

An old Jewish man rising on a train begins to moan. "Oy, am I thirsty; oy, am I thirsty", to the annoyance of the other passengers. Finally another passenger gets a cup of water from the drinking fountain and gives it to the old man, who thanks him profusely and gulps it down. Feeling satisfied, the other passenger sits down again only to hear, "oy, was I thirsty; oy, was I thirsty."